I just got to speak my mind sometimes. That’s why blogs are made…for times like this when I just have to say something and nobody is around.

If I had a house full of all the best art supplies, I’m talking all kinds of paper, all kinds of paint, all kinds of makers, pens and pencils. If all the possible colors of the world were at my disposal I could quite possibly make a masterpiece. Also, if I had a house full of all kinds of beautiful fabrics, hundreds of threads, millions of buttons and all kinds of trims and things I could possible make an amazing clothing line. It’s possible.

It is also possible however, to make the best with what I have. I might not have much, but I do have something. Amazingly enough though, creating is much like making something out of nothing. And all of this is just to say that John Mayer’s album “Battle Studies” defines all of what I just said. It might not make sense to you… but oh how I understand that album.  What a beautiful, fahr-rikan mess!

This is just a sample why…

I could give this man children, if he wasn’t so famous and out of reach. No to the prenup…that’s all I gotta say.

I was just like Lord Jesus you are not kidding, I know you’re the only one that does that. This song is just really deep and on point.

Listen to it.

These are the lyrics.

If the night turned cold and the stars looked down
And you'd hug yourself on the cold cold ground
You wake the morning in a stranger's coat
No one would you see
You ask yourself, who'd watched for me
My only friend, who could it be
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it, but it's probably me

When your belly's empty and the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal
You search the city for your only friend
No one would you see
You ask yourself, who'd watched for me
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free
I hate to say it
I hate to say it, but it's probably me

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show
Some would say I should let you go your way
You'll only make me cry
Well if there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
I hate to say it
I hate to say it, but it's probably me

(guitar solo)

When the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense
There's only one voice that comes to your defense
And the jury's out and your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see
And if there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
I hate to say it
I hate to say it, but it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say it, but it's probably me

I remembered what he told me and I told my cousin what he told me. She said are you sure? Are you kidding me? I was like well we’re going to find out if its true if it happens.  I knew very little then about the previous bombing of the WTC in 1998…I think it was. I had no idea that was a terrorist plot.  The rest of that year I would go to WTC from time to time to go help my parents renew their business license and permit cause they had a vintage/used furniture store. I was there in the summer at the mall bellow the WTC with my aunt (who was visiting from DR) and the cousin I told. I remember me and my cousin were in a rush to get out of there.  We were transferring from the Path train to the A train.  My aunt thought we were acting weird I can’t remember if we told her.

The last time I was there was when I went to renew the business stuff with my mom and that was about a week before 9/11.  They had a farmers market certain days during the week right in front of the WTC.

My mother and I passed by and this was before I was born again. There was a palm reader who was there and I told my mom I was going to see if something is true or not. So I went and the lady took my hand, meanwhile I was really looking for her to tell me if it was true that there was going to be another attack. The lady didn’t say anything to me she said I was going to have a long life. Then she gave me her number so that I can call her because she “sensed” that I wanted to know more. I thought that was funny.  I never called her cause I didn’t believe in that anyway, but some how what the guy told me bothered me. I was young and dumb…I felt like telling every body there not to go to work. I didn’t know when it was going to happen though.

Anyway, later that week my sister was telling me that she spoke to the guy that told her about the job I had the previous summer. That I can stop by and work there again because I had just graduated and was looking for a job. I said cool I’ll go in on Tuesday. Although I knew what the guy had told me I was like ok the palm reader didn’t say anything and I’m sure I’m just over reacting and I need that job.

That same week my grandfather left to DR and my grandmother was alone in her apartment. My mother told me to go with her and sleep the night to keep her company. I didn’t want to go cause I had to go downtown the next day, I mean I was like upset angry. I went anyway thinking I’ll set the alarm and wake up at 6 am so I can be on the train by 7 am. I was uptown so it was going to take about 45 minutes for me to get the Chambers St.  The night before I set the alarm to 6 am and I was sleeping in the same bed with my grandmother. The alarm did not go off and my grandmother woke up at that same time and did not wake me up. I woke up to my grandmother telling me that my uncle was calling on the phone to turn on the TV. She told me come turn on the TV… I was  upset cause the alarm didn’t wake me up, but when I saw the first tower on fire I was in shock. I felt so bad, the guy was right, then we were asking how did this happen. We saw that they were saying that a plane had hit the tower … right there we see another plane. I was like abuela that plane looks really low and she said, where I can’t see it. I was like look at it … and OMG right there we saw it hit the second tower… we screamed so loud. We heard people in the neighborhood screaming. It was horrible. I looked outside the window looking towards downtown cause my grandmother lives on Broadway. You could see the smoke it was tiny obviously cause we were far but we could see the smoke. We could not believe what was happening. I was in complete shock. We were watching the news and all the people hanging from the windows, everybody was calling the house. We saw the people jumping out the windows on TV and then the towers crashing. It was too much. I took a cab home and was scared because they locked down the city and my mom and dad were in the Bronx. They couldn’t drive over the bridge so they walked all the way home. It was horrible.

Then I started remembering what the guy told me and all the strange stuff I saw in the city that summer. I remember being in the Hudson River Park and sitting on the grass and seeing the Black Hawk planes flying over us. I had never seen those planes before…they were scary like UFO looking. I remember seeing them in the news that evening they said they were air defense and they were military planes. That was before the attacks…what were they doing in the air?

These planes were a secret until they showed up over NY that day. People were tripping and I was too… they covered it up on the news saying “that was quite an air show they put on for us today!”.

It was scary… after the attacks we would hear all the plains flying over us very loudly and the helicopters.  We were on alert and it was very difficult to fall asleep at night knowing that we were in lock down and that we were helpless now that they were using planes as weapons. It was very busy in our area because we lived right by the George Washington bridge and the bus terminal.  I thought it was never going to end.

That same day…when I took the cab home, I noticed there was a white lit candle on my window sill. Someone from my neighborhood must have seen me get off on Chambers St sometime. I was very much alive and grateful to God that I woke up late for the first time in my entire life. They would actually light the candle at night. I think they must have been pretty shocked when they saw me again.

Anyway, ever since then I take any middle eastern person on the internet very seriously. I also read the news and get made fun of for being a conspiracy theorist. I have learned a lot about history and the bad things that go on in politics and other places. I think I’ve gained discernment from it. America did know about it and they swept it under the carpet and they still don’t mention it today. They could have at least closed the buildings, but instead they chose to make all that money they made from it…selling their books. It’s disgusting. Later on, I didn’t die of sorrow from the guilt of knowing because I heard stories from other people that were also warned. I don’t think anyone knew the date it would happen though.

That’s my story. Believe it if you want, God knows it’s true.

I wouldn’t change it though cause I appreciate things more. The first time I can remember running for my life was in the Washington Heights riots of 1992. I was taking a summer course right before starting high school.  The riots lasted for a while and the buses stopped running through our neighborhoods. I would get to my class late and was having a difficult time with everything that was happening. My English teacher ( Mr. Woods) told me to write it down because I was crying too much and I couldn’t stop. He gave me a piece of paper and a pen and said right till you stop crying.

A few days before that my aunt and I went to the young man’s funeral and saw his body in an open casket. That was the first time I had ever seen a dead body … in a casket.  Usually most street people would get shot in the street during day light.  We were all outside and they were forming a march in protest, the police showed up and next thing we know we were in the middle of a shoot out. My aunt and I just ran…along with all the other people.  I had never run for my life like I did that day.  I cried for the man in the casket. I cried for my angry community and I cried and I never thought I would see it again. The story repeated itself many times after that…but then people knew better and didn’t riot.  That one time was enough.

I cried for that man in the casket, on September 11th and the rest of 2001 I cried that much times 2000.  That day however I had no where to run.

Today I felt the same way I felt that day… alone and deeply sad…I’m not afraid anymore though.

That wasn’t the blog I was going to post… I’ll post it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is 9/11. How can I forget? It’s kind of difficult not to remember a time when you did not feel safe in your own home. A time when you ask God where he is…but you really really mean it. A time when you ask God to show up and make things better. A time when you ask God why.

It’s very difficult for me to look at catchy phrases like ” Be a victor and not a victim” and not think deeply about it. I mean why don’t they just say what they really mean. It just uses that word victim, unless you have ever been a victim of a crime…you would not be able to understand that when people talk about what happened to you…they refer to you as the victim of a crime. For example… “9/11 victims”. When bad things happen to a person because of other people’s evil intentions… and the person doesn’t even see that happening ever, the person then becomes a victim, even if that person has set out to be a victor.

Know what I mean?  I’m not over thinking it. The word is what it is. I don’t like how people down size words. Like the word ni&&er for example. I don’t care how you spell it , how spanish or black you are, those were the last words a helpless African American victim heard before he was tortured and hanged. I just don’t think the word is cool. I don’t care if it has an educational definition in Webster, it should not be used.  Let’s be respectful of our collective history and our personal history and make  an effort not to insult others…or speak curses. This whole idea that everything has a positive and negative is distorted.  There are negative words that are clearly negative and there are positive words that are clearly positive. People have become so manipulative that they have even manipulated language and wording to be double meaning. ( Remember the Tower of Babel )

Afraid to think what has been done with the word of God, because people took one word and magnified it and in turn distracted people to think about something other than the main message of the Gospel. Being sensitive to someone’s understanding is not going to hurt you in life. If anything it will let the person know you care enough not to confuse them or insult them. Let’s be clear.

That’s another thing. I keep hearing pastors on T.V that say… “I am not here to make friends, some will feel offended but I am here to preach the Gospel of Christ.” First, how is that preaching the Gospel? Second…how is the Gospel offending people? Are we preaching about the same Jesus that stopped a group of judgmental men from stoning a woman caught in adultery? He didn’t offend her, he actually saved her the same way he saved us.

If we still were under the same law they wanted to use to justify stoning her, we would all be pretty much stoned.  (< example of the double meaning word manipulation thing I was talking about :/ )

No one had a chance living under the law. Even though God made the law, he saw that something else had gotten in the way. Temptation. Even Jesus was tempted, and he was around long enough to know what it was. Eve had no idea and Adam was manipulated.  God is merciful however and he sent us Jesus.  John 8:12-20 NLT

¹² Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

¹³ The Pharisees replied, “You are making those claims about yourself! Such testimony is not valid.”

¹⁴ Jesus told them, “These claims are valid even though I make them about myself. For I know where I came from and where I am going, but you don’t know this about me. ¹⁵ You judge me by human standards, but I do not judge anyone. ¹⁶ And if I did, my judgment would be correct in every respect because I am not alone. The Father who sent me is with me. ¹⁷ Your own law says that if two people agree about something, their witness is accepted as fact. ¹⁸ I am one witness, and my Father who sent me is the other.”

¹⁹ “Where is your father?” they asked.

Jesus answered, “Since you don’t know who I am, you don’t know who my Father is. If you knew me, you would also know my Father.” ²⁰ Jesus made these statements while he was teaching in the section of the Temple known as the Treasury. But he was not arrested, because his time had not yet come.

I pretty much can assume that we need to know Jesus, so that we can know God.  Knowing God helps us defend him better when those times arise, like 9/11 when you have Atheist telling you that religion is ruining the world and that God kills people. I don’t tolerate a christian telling me something, that an atheist has used as an argument to try to convert me.  The shocking part is that, the christian doesn’t know an atheist used the same reasoning to frustrate me.  I have had many unbelieving friends growing up, yes atheist not even agnostic.

They still find it intelligent to argue that there is no God, yet pointing out how bad God is. I then have to carefully explain to them that I do not follow satan, I follow JESUS/GOD.  How is it that they want to claim there is no God and tell me that God is evil…I mean they should make up their mind. They want to convince me that there is no God, but that he’s bad and that atheist are happy people who contribute more to society than most. So they must be saying they are God?

Listen, Jesus did die for us all. Jesus even died for those who think themselves to be so special and so intelligent that they can say there is no God.

God still believes they are real.

Even though they are victims of  intellect. We all really don’t know anything, other than what we believe, in the moment of our own current circumstances.

Heck it made sense to me.

I will blog tomorrow…about 9/11 of course because I can not forget…how can I forget? I will tell you my story, of things way before and right after. Yes you will find it hard to believe. I have no reason to lie, you will have no other choice but to believe me. One because its true and two because I wouldn’t lie about a day that impacted my life so greatly. You’ll find out about why I always search deep, there is a reason. I’m warning you now…you will be like Wha!?!? No way… and I will be like yes way. True story.

Will post it tomorrow. I have to wake up early in the morning.

I don’t know about you but I have had the strangest last few years. I was in conflict because I was going along with what the word said, having absolutely no idea that something wanted me not to follow God’s will.  All I can say is that evil is real. Not that I didn’t think it wasn’t before. I was more in awe of the awesomeness that is God,  because God was revealing himself to me in many beautiful ways. Then all of a sudden the evil that was around became more intense and more disgusting. I was also seeing things that others did not notice.  Although God was confirming it to me through the word, I was still in shock that certain things do happen.

For example Jesus said to bless your enemies and not to curse them.  However, there are people that go out of their way to silently or creatively curse others. It’s difficult to explain unless you understand the way God speaks.  When you understand the way God speaks then you can understand who’s speaking life into you and who just hates your guts. I find it disturbing that most dog owners show unconditional love towards their dog and yet most of us don’t know how to show love towards each other. To not know how to give love is to not know how to love.

But then I think, wow. That’s deep if you don’t know how to give love therefore not knowing how to love, then how does God know you love him? Ok he is God and he knows our thoughts. Those kinds of “show me love” things are for us humans.  I’m pretty sure if I don’t tell God I love him he still knows I do. In reality I love God in that sometimes  I can just be quiet when I want to hear from him.

I recently got an assignment where I was given a list of things I have to do. I was told to do my job. The person is expecting me to do all the things on the list, get each thing done right and then make a report.

What about God’s assignment for me? I know this person will be upset if I don’t do the things the way they want them done. It has to be done their way…even if I find a better way. If I don’t do the work the way they want it done, they will say its wrong.

Point being I want to live my life God’s way. I don’t think anything I can come up with will be better than his way. I like it when he’s in control. You see the most amazing things happen.

Today I was teaching bible study and the topic this month was “Spiritual Champions: Surviving the cycle winning and losing”. I could not help but to think about all the things I’ve been through.  I have been through a lot in my spiritual life, still going through it. I mean going through stuff in life its what happens … but when things happen to you in your spiritual life, that’s something else. I am talking about since I was a little girl I’ve been going through.  It’s one thing having your physical body being attacked and its another thing when someone attacks you spiritually.  And most people don’t think its common, but it is very common.  Weather it is subliminal or out in the open those who attack know they are attacking and feel good about it. How disgusting is that?!

I can tell you from personal experience, when you see them enjoying it, you will never want to be like that person. You will pray to God that he delivers you from whatever that person has.  The pain you feel will never want you to cause anyone that type of pain.  I’ve found that the best solution and cure to the problem is to be compassionate, honest, and learn who God is. The truth is people don’t have time for honesty anymore. People have time for a quick gesture, pat on the back and we’re all on the same team, carry on,  see you later. Truth/honesty takes time, its not a few hours a day, when I can remember, type of thing. Truth is a lifestyle a 24/7 type of breathing thing. You have to choose to solve things that are personal on the personal. If you chose to hurt someone personally, it would be a good idea to apologize to the person personally.  Then you have to find out why you are going around hurting people. What is wrong with you? When you speak the truth it does not hurt the other person. Remember the saying…the truth hurts? Who came up with that…

( Just thought of another good blog.)

God is very simple. He is the truth. You want to have a better perspective on all this mess? Love everything God has to say, because it is the truth. God does not keep you on hold. When you ask him about something, he does answer.  Sometimes we forget to ask him if he’s with us. I’m pretty sure he goes out of his way to show us that he is and that he’s watching everything that’s happening.

I am very grateful that God is the only one that knows my full story inside and out. He knows it more than I do. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t want to be trapped in something I made or somebody else made, or thrown out of his will because I choose my way.  We can tell when things are in God’s will and when they aren’t. You can feel it. Then God lets you know…you see that? God will tell you…what is Him and what is not Him. Usually God produces positive results. When Jesus walked the earth, those who were sick and in agony would receive healing and would no longer be in pain. Healing would just happen and it wasn’t always based on the faith of the person. That’s why God performs miracles. Miracles are unexpected events attributed to the power of God.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will direct your paths.

Today in class there were four points I had to teach. They are;

1. Turn distraction into focus.

2. Turn hypocrisy into integrity.

3. Turn weakness into strength.

4. Turn immaturity into leadership.

I started thinking about a whole bunch of stuff and actually, when I just typed them more stuff came up.  I see distraction, hypocrisy, weakness and immaturity as attacks from the enemy. He also uses those things to keep you down and out. He will try to convince you and those around you to agree with him.

So this is what you should do. I did not talk about this in class because God just pointed it out.  Make it your life to focus and defend the integrity of God, when you are weak remember he is always strong and lead others to believe the same.  Most importantly learn how to love so that you can love God. Positive result, you will love and someone will love you back.

In my next blog I would like to talk about the catch phrases “Be a victor and not a victim” and “being too spiritual that you are no earthly good”. I will discuss how victims don’t  choose to be victims and how being ” too” spiritual makes no sense. I mean you’re either spiritual or you aren’t, and if you are no good for the earth than why are you here? When did being spiritual become a bad thing. Oh…that’s a whole other overly complex topic.

Look at this…Listen to this…

Did you hear that?  When was Jesus not the center of Christianity?

I hear this and I am like What? Then what are people talking about at church if they aren’t talking about Jesus? People don’t get tired of talking about their boo … just sayin’.



Have you ever met someone who is so messed up (cruel ) are not ashamed of it and continues to be harmful? Ever seen that person get praise and even be told “Oh, that just the way that person is…or oh I love you because you speak your mind”?

Do people believe in evil forces and demons? I don’t think they really do until they are confronted by one, or have to be around one. I recently saw this video of an interview with this man named Roger Morneau. This is a brief summary of him taken from wikipedia;

As a young adult, Roger was introduced to spiritualism through a friend, and nearly joined a secret order of spirit worshipers who claimed to be the “elite” and were servants of Lucifier himself. Before Roger was to make a full commitment, however, he asked a Seventh-day Adventist co-worker, Cyril Grosse, if he would go over some Bible studies with him. This was what Roger needed to turn away from the realm of spiritualism and start his studies of Christ as an Adventist. Morneau became an Adventist in 1946. In 1947, he married Hilda, a licensed vocational nurse in Montreal, and worked many years in telephone advertising sales. In 1984, a virus destroyed part of his heart muscle, giving him cardiomyopathy for the rest of his life. Morneau died in 1998.

Because this man was involved with the secret society for a short time he found out many things about what the servants of the enemy are set out to do and who helps them set those things out.  When he met a friend from work who was a Seventh Day Adventist right before he was about to officially join the secret society.  He asked the man to teach him about his religion because he had heard the head master of the secret society mention that the devil (who they worshiped) hated the Seveth Day Adventist because they kept the sabbath day holy.

Long story short he explains all the things he learned from the secret society and when he joined his friend in bible study he grew to love Jesus and the word of God.  I guess a few years after that he decided to share his testimony on all he had seen and heard in the secret society to better warn others so that they would know that these things are real in the world.  He wrote books on prayer ( that I will never read probably ) and was interviewed to share his testimony.

I don’t have to tell you that after seeing it I learned the obvious. The devil is a deceiver, and God is honest. The truth is some of us don’t want to see evil because then it becomes real…even though its already present in the world. The sins we commit are evil they end up harming others and eventually harms us as well. That’s what the devil wants.

I have suffered a lot in life because of what people have done to me, even more for what I have done to others. The times I messed up taught me to be honest, sincere, caring and most of all to love.  In my mind I feel that I will most often receive the same, honesty, sincerity, care and love. It doesn’t always happen (disappointment).  At the end what matters is that I am clear in what I want to give ( what God desires ) and what I would like to receive (more of God).  It really does make a difference to wake up every morning knowing that it is not a burden for you to serve the God.  He is worth the demons stepping on your heals, spreading lies about you, and turning other against you.  Ultimately, he sees what’s going on. The devil hates me, that must mean God really loves me.

Sometimes God really, really, really,  loves me.  Maybe one day you will understand what I’m saying or face the same situations I have faced… sometimes they show up out of no where.  Devil got no shame.

Listen tell God to use you all day every day. The thought I have had in my mind endlessly due to all this is that … some people don’t know how their decisions effect others. They really don’t think about things, they just act out of whatever they color code it at the moment … passion, want, need, or desire. People tend to forget that all words can be used in the positive or in the negative. Our decisions are the same way. We could be thinking we are doing well for ourselves and ultimately be doing damage. At the moment its best to speak truth, and if it is possible for you to humble yourself repent ask forgiveness (and mean it). If you find yourself telling people “we aren’t all perfect” all the time then get a clue.  Be honest with yourself. God is our perfecter, if its in our hands then we’re in trouble.

Look at what happened to that guy, but God took him out of darkness. There is hope even in the dark. He really had to say “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.” God was with him all right and hopefully he’s with God now.

It’s not the fact that he’s a Seventh Day Adventist that may have taken him to heaven…its the fact that he believed in Jesus. You’re denomination will not be the one saving you, you mother believing in Jesus is a 50% chance that will save you and you reading your bible and talking to God is your best option.  Prayer is your phone call to God with unlimited minuets free every weekend 24/7.  You have a whole bunch of texts that you haven’t even seen… The Lord done texted you, before texts were invented.

Its an interesting story it explained a lot of the stuff I have witnessed in my walk with God. What you do and say does make  a difference and will effect those around you.

Here is the video to Roger Morneau’s story…its a 10 part series. You have to watch it in parts or make time for it but its really interesting.

My family makes fun of me because I talk about secret societies and NWO and all that stuff but… whatever. This is my blog.

First I’m going to post a video of a speech JFK made some time before he was killed. Then I’ll post the first video of Roger Morneau’s story.

Speech part 1

Speech part 2

Think about it…

Here is the first part of Roger Morneau’s story.

For those who work so hard
Never see their children
Never see their children grow
Into the gifts they give them

This is life is all unknown
Gotta listen to their laughter
Everyone must be heard now
Even in the dark

For those who seek no answers
Keep it from the table
Ignorance is eaten up
When everyone must be fed

This life is constant hunger
See it in the dreamers
Believe in the believers of never-ending love
An endless kind of love

Even in the darkness
Whoa…
Even in the dark

Find your calling
Even in the dark
Find your calling

Find your calling
Even in the dark
Find your calling
You gotta find your calling
Even in the dark
Everyone must be heard
Even in the darkness

Even in the dark
Even in the darkness
Whoa…
Even in the dark